Bushes Trim Back Boastful Bucks

Columbus even up series in Stormy Sunday Blowout

Columbus, OH – The sky was dark and threatened a deluge, but at the end of Columbus’ second metro footy game of the season it was to be the upstart Australian Rules Football Club at OSU (Buckaroos for short) feeling shades of black and blue. As players from both sides arrived speculation was rampant. Would Chet ‘cross-dressing hermaphrodite’ Ridenour’s make-up run if it began to rain? Alas, that question wouldn’t be answered until later as the rain gods spared these great men from central Ohio from any early dampness.

The game started fiercely as the ‘Bush’ of Columbus looked to avenge a savage beating two weeks earlier. The Bucks’ were missing key players Rob ‘works on Sundays’ Ward and Clyde ‘other commitments’ Simpson but they were still very confident, perhaps a bit too much so. Barnstorming ‘Fabulous’ Phil Sisia rampaged his way back onto the Columbus and USFooty scene early and often in this torrid affair; his breakaway runs through the mid-field would provide a spark for a Bushranger team desperately searching for something to ignite a wildfire. Early goals to Sisia, Adam ‘Tree Hugger’ Peterson and Evan ‘was a kanga-, now a jacka-‘ Gardiner put Columbus well on top at quarter time. A woeful miss from Scott ‘should’ve done better’ Matheson right before the break would keep the Buckaroos searching for that elusive first goal. Columbus led 23-1.

The second quarter saw the Bucks come out firing early but the boys were wasteful in front of goal. More behinds from the out of touch Matheson and firecracker forward Derek ‘ain’t no Gameboy’ Shannon saw unfortunate empty trips into the forward line. The one bright spark came from rookie Nick ‘not legal age’ Bosley, who slotted through a fine major and continues to impress the coaching staff. After 10 minutes of Buck dominance the boys appeared to tire and that led to another ‘Bush-fire’ once again ignited by the firebug Sisia. Also outstanding in defense was Eric ‘Mommy’ Montalvo who repelled at least 1000 attacks on the day. Other players impressed too including Ryan ‘Pull-ups’ Reisiger, Santosh 'Muay Thai Champ' Nachu and the ever reliable Ryan ‘Can't shut him up...’ Gross. Columbus continued to hold a lead at half-time 44-11.

Mother Nature called at the beginning of the third term and an unholy wall of water descended on the hallowed turf of Tuttle Park. The answer was no, Chet’s make-up did NOT run, just in case you were interested…back to the footy, where Brad ‘man-beast’ Dailey sounded a warning to Paul Drake from Chicago (who comes to Tuttle on May 22nd). He physically dismantled the meek Bucks’ with crushing hits on Matt ‘bowling ball’ Beeghley, Alan ‘Ablett’ Gardner and lastly his coach Scoota. Just when it appeared that the Bush might hit the hundred mark for the first time ever in a Columbus metro game the spirit of the Bucks stepped in with defenders Brandon ‘CROWE BALL’ Crowe and Ed ‘sddfasdasd…c#nt’ Nangle playing hard but still at the end of three Columbus well and truly held the ascendancy, 64-13.

In the final stanza many players were tired and the game was beyond the reach of the Bucks but both sides played the game out well. Columbus stalwarts Gross, Sisia and Peterson continued their excellent play but the play was quite even. Bosley slotted through his second major for the day off a feed from Matheson but Sisia, not to be forgotten, slotted through his fourth goal and Columbus walked away with a convincing but hard fought 53 point victory.

With the first inter-city match-up of the season approaching it was extremely pleasing to see many new faces contributing for both sides. Brandon ‘BK Stacker’ Koechlin was great in the ruck and John ‘JP Version 2.0’ Provenzano ran with Sisia for a while for Columbus, while Aron ‘Tharpedo’ Tharp was determined in defense for Columbus. When the Thunder Cup rolls around in Louisville in two weeks the Jacks will be ready for the season opener and they are certain to be like rabid raccoon’s tearing through trash cans. The trash will be the opponents bodies left in their wake. The only question is: WHO’S FIRST JACKS?

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